Tips 3 :Responding to the Angry Child

Promote good behavior

* Catch the child being good. Tell the child what behaviors please you. Respond to positive efforts and reinforce good behavior. An observing and sensitive parent will find countless opportunities during the day to make such comments as "I like the way you come in for dinner without being reminded"; "I appreciate your hanging up your clothes even though you were in a hurry to get out to play"; "You were really patient while I was on the phone"; "I'm glad you shared your snack with your sister"; "I like the way you're able to think of others"; and "Thank you for telling the truth about what really happened."

* Similarly, teachers can positively reinforce good behavior with statements like "I know it was difficult for you to wait your turn, and I'm pleased that you could do it"; "Thanks for sitting in your seat quietly"; "You were thoughtful in offering to help Johnny with his spelling"; "You worked hard on that project, and I admire your effort."

* Deliberately ignore inappropriate behavior that can be tolerated. This doesn't mean that you should ignore the child, just the behavior. The "ignoring" has to be planned and consistent. Even though this behavior may be tolerated, the child must recognize that it is inappropriate.

* Provide physical outlets and other alternatives. It is important for children to have opportunities for physical exercise and movement, both at home and at school.

* Teach children to express themselves verbally. Talking helps a child have control and thus reduces acting out behavior. Encourage the child to say, for example, "I don't like your taking my pencil. I don't feel like sharing just now."

* Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses. Help them to see that they can reach their goals.

* Build a positive self-image. Encourage children to see themselves as valued and valuable people.

* Model appropriate behavior. Parents and teachers should be aware of the powerful influence of their actions on a child's or group's behavior.

Credits:
Some of the following suggestions for dealing with the angry child were taken from The Aggressive Child by Fritz Redl and David Wineman.